most of my posts lately have been mine eyes only..

I'm totally in love right now with a woman who has two kids.

she's someone i've known for like 20 years since she was a kid herself and she cond only see me as a older brother... now i'm sick of her hearing about her boyfriends who treat her like shit or dont wanna have any thing to do with her kids..

i spent some time thinking that as much as a two year old and a four year old can rage,,,i got this beat and would be happy to come home to a "family"


to shea

wow.. cant belive your gone.
i've known you for twenty years and while you've always been a disrespectful asshole i always felt your remarks were just being friendly banter
i willl do whata i can for meagan and her son and ill be there sunday for a memorial.

yeah you were a dick to me but i'll pray for your soul and our friends ,,,


I havent been to a dentist in years. Like i went in around 2003 for a teeth cleaning and needed some work done but no insurance and not alot of spare cash kinda put me off. Before that it was probably 15 years ago.

I've had insurance all year and my teeth have been doing some interesting falling apart in places, several chipped in the front... over the thanksgiving holidays my mom said if i needed some extra $$ to get work done she'd be able and willing to help, and that it'd be a good idea for me to use my insurance as much as possible before this years over then i can continure the work into next year when my insurance resets.

I made an appointment for yesterday with a new dentist (my old one, if you can call someone i havent seen in 15 years, doesn't take metlife dental) and then sunday started getting a tooth ache... it got worse monday, but hey i'm going to the dentist tomorrow....

tuesday comes and my tooth still hurts and my face is starting to swell a bit.. went down and sure enough... abscess infection.... set up an appointment to extract needed teeth, and talk about bridges screwed in teeth and what not and got some anti-biotics and some vicodin...

Its been about 24 hours since i started on the anti-biotics and my face has not decreased in size.. my entire left side is almost 3/4 of an inch "puffier" than it should be and it goes up my nose/inner eye to the eyelid... wow i look like crap and i would think that the amoxicilian should be fighting it by now... oh well at least i'm feeling very little pain, and careing even less...

A good weekend

I know i don't post often anymore, but i'm so jazzed right now i gotta spread the wonderfulness.

Went up to oakland yesterday. checked into the hotel then met up with some friends i haven't seen in years... would have loved to gout and "party" or hang out longer but had to get up early today so just went back and watched HBO and the wierdest mexican show ever (think lets make a deal/american idol/gong show/jerry springer... it goes on and on..) till i finally went to sleep.

sleep was long in coming however because it was like that feeling when you were a kid and you were going to disneyland the next day... because today was the raiders vs. chargers game and who was 15 rows off the field? me, and 4 of my firends (and a couple hundred people i don't know but they don't really count in this post)

got to the parking lot around 10 cause of various laggers (i was true to plan and got up at 7am and was ready to go in about 5 minutes) and met up with a whole crew of people, most of whom I have not seen since shortly after high school... drinkin beers taking shots grubbing awesome food, tailgating at the raider game... so much fun.. if i lived up there i might just go there for that... anyways.. games about to start so we head in, and upon entering learn there's no smoking ANYWHERE in the coliseum.. check out the raider store and security stops one of my friends for smoking... puts it out... cool

game starts off with a safety... practically right in front of me. same friend is missing... so we're wondering what happened... he knows where we were and i figured he went to get a beer...

no, he lit a cigarette in the bathroom stall and got kicked out and he's calling me and telling me to meet him on the top level outside gate over section 226.

I'm in a stadium with 35,000 people yelling and cheering so it took me nearly 10 minutes to find him (and basically understand what he's telling me though he refuses to TEXT me cause he's already kinda drunk and want's me to stay on the phone with him...) and i hand him my ticket so he can try to get back in... of course they scan it and it's already "used" so he has to go talk to the ticket office...

so i go back to my seats (fortunately i'd been up and down several times and the guy who checks tickets rememberd me) to find out the score is now 12-0 and i missed more totally awesome shit that happened right in front of us while i was off dealing with that whole mess and telling my other friends i'm not answering my phone if he calls back...

so he shows up... he paid for a ticket from a scalper in the parking lot for nose bleed seats but used mine to get back down to the i can almost spit on them seats... talk about frustrating... i missed some of the most important part of the game cause someone's being a dumbass and i gotta bail him out (again)...

anyway i finally got over it and watched the oakland raiders beat the san diego chargers for the first time in 13 games (that's 7 years) against each other...

oh and my fantasy squad wins again because of opponent error (last week someone left an injured player in position, this week someone left a player in who has a by week)

now i gotta track down all those charger fans who i was smart enough (stupid lucky?) to bet with and collect my $$

made it home safe, obviously... now its time for some aloe (lotsa sun) and my own super comfy bed..

who (ATE) moved my cheese(LUNCH)?

on lunch break i opened the freezer looking for my tv dinner....
wasn't there
looked in the other freezer, wasn't there either, checked the fridges, nope, checked my locker to see if i was dumb enough to have put it in there...

found the empty box in the trash can...

had to borrow cash to eat at costco..

death, and such

In my senior year of high school i had a friend who was killed by a train.

now a kid i've know for several years since he was a friend of my nephew was hit/killed by a train

i really wouldn't think that something like that would hit me so hard.. but really, it has... i've offered prayers up to the sky (i'm not religious) to whatever's out there to take care of him and his family regularly..

that's not me... he was my nephew's good friend, he was my good friends neighbor. he was a fearless daredevil on a skateboard on his way to being sponsored..

fucking ipod and a shortcut across the traintracks...

so sad

late post

fathers day...
I actually had one of those once... back in 2003 when i was engaged to a woman who had two kids.

I don't have any kids of my own, and my mother asked me last week if i was going to go to my sisters house for the whole fathers day bbq etc...

I told her i was thinking about it, but since i am the only one of my siblings that doesn't have any children and isn't married i wasn't sure

"well you do have a father"

yeah... but i don't care for him that much... i didn't say it but i went anyway

i have one niece and six nephews.. my older sister started it first... "i think we're all done having kids so you need to give mom some granddaughters"...yeah like it's my choice the sex of the mom kinda settled that conversation quickly with "when he's ready and has the right woman"

brother "so hey I've got two now, it's your turn"
mom:"give it time"

Little sister: "so james when are you gonna have kids"

ME:"mom... this is what i was trying to avoid" and walked off...

Yeah.. i'm 35 and don't have a wife, child or even a girlfriend at the moment... i almost wanna tell them i'm gay even though i'm not so they'll leave me alone about being, well... ALONE...

I fell bad enough already and i don't need this shit to rub it in.

Health insurance

Apparently I don't have any at the moment...

I got promoted to FULL time at work so as of 5-2-10 i don't have insurance until i can set up my full time program, which they have yet to send me the info to enroll... i get this in the mail today... 5-11-10... gee it's a good thing i didn't hurt myself in the last week... i figured I'd have the other insurance until i enroll in the new one...

oh well...I'll save $80 every two weeks till they send me the new info... i just have to be careful (not like i haven't been going without insurance for most of the last 13 years and been fine)